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like more than a friend.

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my first 4 days at work were wonderful. as expected, first names didn’t stick and the place isn’t perfect, but i walked home everyday with a genuine feeling that i belonged and the terrible horrible no good very bad heartache of leaving and accepting 10,000 changes into my life (me = taurus, change = kryptonite) would soon be worth it. then, friday rolled around and everyone started to clear out early for the weekend and this foreign feeling of dread came over me as i realized i’d be spending mine alone. suddenly, “i belong” became “i’m alone” and, before i knew it, tears were welling up at 5pm on a friday on my 5th day of work.

christ.
so soon?
classy.

thankfully, i was intercepted by a divine messenger coworker who was coming over to tell me she was also from indiana (my “about me” bio had just gone out to the entire agency … le sigh) and the second she saw me fighting back tears she knew exactly what was up and pulled me into a nearby conference room. she was kind and didn’t judge me for crying on my 5th day and made me feel better and gave me her cell and suggested we hang out. she said in a few months i’d look back on this day and laugh which reminded me of dan and jay, the two people who kept me laughing when i was knee deep in tragedy.

actual tragedy.
terrible tragedy.
which this was just … not.

so i packed up my things and walked home from my first week feeling both like i belonged and made the right decision but also like i was fucking uncomfortable and sad and lonely. the next morning, i did what i always do when i feel weird for more than 24hrs: something about it. i went to yoga and got coffee and installed a cable modem and texted some friends of friends i was e-introduced to (plus one i made on my own!) to say “hi how are you i’d love to hang out.” within a few hours, i had dinner plans and an art opening to attend and – well, whaddyaknow – i didn’t feel so fucking uncomfortable anymore.

onward.
upward.
fast forward.

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ever since emily came to visit last week and lit up my whole world by hanging out with me in the east village for a few sweet afternoon hours, i’ve had this nonstop craving for [waaaaay better than just, like, pretty good] coffee and can now only bring myself to drink a+ premium cups before i head to the top shelf roasting motherland. would drink again highlights of this totally impromptu bougie nyc coffee tour include:

third rail
strangeways
box kite
hi-collar
abraço
la colombe

peace ♥ caffeine.

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there’s no way i was born to just pay bills and die.

– hermi blutsauger

an update, perhaps? well, since last friday my days have been a beautiful blur of not working, cleaning, cleansing, practicing, packing, snacking, selling, cycling, post liking. i’m having such a blissful good in between time that i almost want to say “i don’t want this part to end,” but that would be a lie because in blurry big picture actuality, i DO want this part to end so i can move to portland and start my job and lease an apartment and find good peoples and forge genuine, long lasting friendships and try my damnedest at long distance and eat all the things and bike all the lanes and slowly piece together a life of obnoxious to some loud laughs and freckled woodblock chocolate ice cream and non-stop marshydog™ sightings. that being said, i want the record to hereby reflect that i would be the most f-ing joyful and productive housewife this world has ever known. okay? cool. thank you.

{and let us say, “amen”}

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1.  happiness is canceling all my weekend plans, hopping on a plane to portland with less than 24 hours notice, and waking up with the next day’s sun in a hotel king bed next to this guy.
2.  the ace portland is everything i expected, old timey photo booth next to repurposed wood coffee table covered in meticulously unarranged succulents and mason jar terrariums included.
3.  i’m worried i won’t be able to wear converse at my new job. if you’re reading this and can confirm one way or the other, please kindly let me know. the operative word here being “kindly” because if the answer is “nope, ditch those bad boys” i may need a moment. this vvv strong, stubborn, and sensitive taurus can only handle so much unmedicated life change all at once.
4.  it’s getting hard to tell people i’m moving across the country and doing long distance with jonathan when the nearly universal response is “i never thought you’d leave new york. have you ever been to portland? long distance is so hard.” god bless the special few that fill up with pride and exclaim, “that’s awesome! i can totally see you there. ooO long distance sex is amazing!”
5.  fuck fuck fuck i’m almost 29 and i still don’t know how to cook a god damn fucking thing shit.
6.  friday, march 27 is both my last day at work and [what would have been] my dad’s 66th birthday. i keep thinking how much he would have loved jonathan and what huge kicks they’d get out of each other. i bet if he knew where i was headed, he’d be proud of me and thrilled i was moving closer to la la land (“los angeles” in kim-speak). i bet he’d be really proud of me.

*this post is brought you by a recent trip to portland to interview for my dream job.
spoiler alert: it went well.

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it is perhaps when our lives are at their most problematic that we are likely to be most receptive to beautiful things.

alain de botton, the architecture of happiness

i’ve been struggling with a triple dose of severely limited attention span + blogger’s block + work life imbalance since mid december, but i wanted to tell you that i miss you so much it aches, i think about blogging (and the act of not blogging) everyday, and i finally figured out this year’s three word thesis:

go through it.

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“in the 2000s, there will be only answers. the demand will be such that there will only be answers. all texts will be answers, in fact. i believe that man will be literally drowned in information, in constant information. about his body, his corporeal future, his health, his family life, his salary, his leisure. it’s not far from a nightmare. there will be nobody reading anymore.”

in 1985, marguerite duras gave her predictions for the future to the french publication les inrocks and the translation is as prophetic as it is poetic. i haven’t finished a book in years.

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1.  i’ve been meaning to try sweetgreen for almost a year now. i first read about it in grub street’s roundup of new healthy nyc restaurants (also how i got hooked on dimes) and finally managed to swing by over thanksgiving. i went for the ever-popular kale chicken cesear because the guy in front of me ordered it and he seemed to know what was up. good stuff. did not regret.
2.  have you heard of @coffeenclothes? it’s this instagram account run by @ryyyguy and it’s photos of exactly what it sounds like … coffee n’ clothes. i really want to be on it, but every time i think to take a photo i’m usually (a) not wearing anything interesting (b) done with my coffee (c) both. i thought my leopard print whynot entry was a solid contender, but – alas – no dice.
3.  it wouldn’t be a proper amy’s list without at least one dog pic, now would it? big ups to buddy the big blue bottle dog for being fidgety and helping me maintain dog person status elite.
4.  last friday was jwt’s annual holiday party and, much to the dismay of many, it was held in a strange, far away place called “brooklyn.” thankfully, the city folk groans died down after a few open bar drinks were had and people let the good lumberjack themed times roll. sidebar = i made a lil’ website for it so all 200 jwt offices around the world could party along via #jwt150 (the party coincided with jwt’s 150th anniversary). awww look, everyone. baby’s first microsite.
5.  oh, and morgenstern’s is making the only ice cream that matters. 2014 flavor collabs, son.

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go outside of yourself.
look at yourself walking down the street.
make yourself tumble on a stone and fall.
watch it.
watch other people looking.
observe carefully how you fall.
how long it takes and in what rhythm you fall.
observe as seeing a slow motion film.

yoko ono, 1964 spring

ps – the quotes above were generated by what-would-i-say.com. if you have to come into work tomorrow and need a delightful time suck to get you through the [inevitably quiet and totally ghost town-y] day, i highly recommend a gander over there. spot on stuff.

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have nothing to do on a wednesday night …

6:15 = stop by looks salon for a nearly painless eyebrow threading.
6:30 = pop into 16 handles and taste a bunch of fro-yo without actually buying anything.
6:45 = take a seat at b&h dairy and have the grilled cheese and tomato soup special.
7:15 = hit up davey’s ice cream and purchase a cup of hot chocolate to go.
7:30 = walk into lulu nails and get a pedicure while sipping on said hot chocolate.
9:15 = go to bed.*

* based on a true story.

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i went ahead and added a mystery tee to my first ever cotton bureau purchase because … what’s the saying? live a little? treat yourself? nothing tastes as good as a soft tee feels? trust your life? gotta get up to get down? to the windows? to the walls? till the sweat drips down my tbd cotton bureau mystery tee? … aaaaanyway, i really really really hope i get hayley’s damn tee or nicole’s archer tee or tania’s prove them wrong tee.

any of those,
amongst other things,
would be niiiiice.

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the greatest thing about manhattan
is the worst thing about manhattan:
self-actualization.

here you will be free
to stretch yourself to your limit,
to find the beach that is yours alone.

but sooner or later
you will be sitting on that beach
wondering what comes next.

zadie smith

dug through my feedly today and was kindly awarded with some slow, magical good vibes from the above two pics and a nice midday zing! from bobby mckenna’s awards page. all in all, a monday well spent in my corner of the internet.

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1.  i flew to california last weekend to partake in hannah and jay’s crazy awesome ojai wedding getaway. thank goodness for love in the age of social media friendship because the moment i instagrammed i was going to ojai, awesomebriancook immediately hit me up with a bunch of killer reccomendations. top of his list was hip vegan which was both hip and vegan.
2.  i need to upgrade my dress-up game stat. my current go to is a black wrap dress + repetto heels + opaque liquid lipstick, but that whole situation is getting super stale. joanna says my power colors are eggplant/emerald and this or this or this might do the trick. ♥ that babe.
3/4.  just realized it’s been quite a long time since i was genuinely wow’d by a landscape view.
5.  took a selfie in my uncle jeff’s house because he, sherry, ben, zach, and andy are such good people and i wanted to remember how good it felt spending time with them in that space.
6.  west coast sun really kicked my fall attitude adjustment into full gear. sup winter. how u?

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1.  momo sushi shack is a rad little restaurant out in bushwick that serves up absurdly delicious sushi (see party bomb and pork betty for reference) alongside super solid life advice. have a lot of [good] sex and eat a lot of [killer] sushi? well well well, don’t mind if i do.
2.  last sunday the weather was so ridiculous outstanding (think crisp air, clear skies, mostly sunny, the works) that jonathan and i decided to long walk from east williamsburg towards manhattan until we reached new york by gehry. sidebar → can we see the muff pleasss?
3.  how i managed to not hear about scott’s annual slice out hunger food bank of nyc $1 pizza extravaganza until this year is BEYOND me. i am forever indebted to amy “i have a lot of opinions about pizza” rothberger for bringing this into my life. bless that pie lovin’ babe.
4.  i’m really into that time of year when the temp drops and the sky turns into windows 95.
5.  jonathan’s disdain for pumpkin flavored shit is giving me liiiiiiiiife. peace love internets.

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last week, david asked me to recount the great passive aggressive work fridge post-it 80s hair band lunch meme war of 2013 and, realizing it’s been over a year since this all went down, i figured now was as good time as any to share with you guys too. so, here it goes:

in august 2013 i started buying a week’s worth of coffee / breakfast / lunch / afternoon snacks from trader joe’s on monday mornings and storing everything in the communal work fridge for affordable healthy lunch optimizing purposes throughout the week (something i used to do when i was a paralegal making $0K a year, living in a hell’s kitchen shoebox diorama, and just, like, trying to do me without incurring crippling credit card debt). this time around, i was conscious people might be put off by someone storing more than a day’s worth of food in a communal work fridge and was also worried lesser than folks might steal some of it (peer on peer crime runs rampant at my office) so i wrote “this belongs to amy marsh. trying to save $$$. midtown lunch is a battlefield. xo, amy” in strong black sharpie on the front of my bag. when i went to get my lunch later that day, i noticed someone had slapped a post-it on my bag that said:

so is the real
estate in this
fridge.
just sayin’

basically, i took the whole thing VERY PERSONALLY (first mistake), got REALLY EMBARRASSED (second mistake), and then got SUPER PISSED (third and final mistake). i felt like this post-it jerk was hiding in plain sight since i had written my full name on the bag and there was no reason he / she couldn’t hit me up in person. after i calmed down, i moved my bag to a less crowded fridge, left the jerky post-it at the scene of the crime, and scribbled the following reply on top:

no name? so lame!
would have been happy
to work something out …
amy.marsh@jwt.com
x7684

when i went back to the war zone fridge later that day, i saw someone had added a “sponsored by passive aggressive notes” post-it into the mix and, within an hour or so, the whole thing started to snowball as people found they could easily riff on “midtown lunch is a battlefield” by designing these totally awesome 80s hair band lunch memes and taping them to the front of the fridge (think “lunch is a battlefield” by pat benatar, “take my lunch away” by berlin, etc.). new memes went up daily for almost 3 months until [sadly] maintenance had to power wash all the fridges in preparation for thanksgiving and everyone forgot about everything.

TLDR THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

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tycho did a sunrise dj set at burning man on 08.29.14 that started at 5:40am and then posted it to soundcloud 5 days later for the rest of us to enjoy anytime we want because unconditional love and premium ice cream and wild and free internet, y’all.

also on the deep, long playlist front, mixtrss has really been flexing their “30 or so tracks similar to this one awesome track” baby playlist making skills. for those of you into magical internet things that are just plain güüüüd, check out …

this one.
oh and this one.
gah, this one too.

tldr … deyallgüüüüd.

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1.  a few saturday mornings ago, the downtown 6 wasn’t running so i ended up walking from my apt in the east village all the way to bethany’s 9am at lyons den in tribeca. i didn’t mind since there’s not a whole lot that’s quite as wonderful as soho before 9am and as i headed down greene street towards canal, i looked up and noticed this strung out mess of gutter shoes hanging out with some of the best fire escape-age in the city. that day was a good day.
2.  jonathan and i rarely hit the same restaurant twice (that’s cheating!), but i think cup & saucer has been given an unspoken pass. not complaining tho, them pancakes don’t play.
3.  we also went to coney island over labor day weekend and, despite the muggy overcast-ness, it was one of the top 5 best days i’ve spent in nyc EVERRR. also … modern photo booths are srsly overpriced ($5 for a single strip!), but the result has made me happier than things i’ve spent $600 on so, like, fuck those boots and the suede bag they came in.
4. candied apples and marshmallow pops are nice, but the dark chocolate nonpareils at william’s candy are where it’s at for me, personally. 1/4 lb bag and a nice long walk? yspls.
5. rockaway beach around 4pm the weekend after labor day is one part lovely two parts lonely.
6.  in case you were wondering, good vibes vvv welcome round these parts. namaste a while.

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interviewer:  do you ever get bored?
werner herzog:  no, never. the word is not even in my vocabulary. i seem to scare and astonish my wife by being capable of standing staring out of the window for days at a time, even when there is nothing happening out there. i may look catatonic, but not so inside. there might be storms raging inside. i think it was wittgenstein who talked about being inside a house and seeing a figure outside strangely flailing about. from inside you cannot see what storms are raging out there, so you find the figure funny.



the instinct here is to apologize:

for being away
for not posting
for focusing there
for not focusing here
for a busy work week
for a rough personal week
for reading up less
for sleeping in more
for shutting down
for logging off

but, like, for what? for noise? for caveats? for excuses? for sweet sad things we project into our corner of the internet to make ourselves feel a little better about being vulnerable to change and transitioning from one set of patterns to another with less grace and ease and strength than we had hoped for? sounds temping, but i’m going to try something different and resist the knee-jerk apology for once. instead, here are two nice tunes by two nice ladies.

find joy and enjoy.

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1.  this daschund is puddle of brown butter adorb-ness and someone better mop him up asap.
2.  last weekend jonathan and i decided to ditch our very exciting “get dinner somewhere” saturday night plans and busted ass to flushing to catch the last half of the mets-giants game instead. bonus round = that night happened to be fireworks night, so we were handsomely rewarded with a post-game light show + baller top 40 radio dj set. turn down for what, indeed.
3.  thanks to double reco’s from both justine and jeremy, i made sure to hit up kensington market when i was in toronto for justine and emmett’s wedding a few weekends ago. man-o-man there’s much to love about that place → good signs, good foods, good dranks, good vibes, good dogs (see pic 1 above) … something for everyone! or … a lot of stuff just for me!
4.  meet blake aka blako aka blakezilla aka jwt’s super duper flash dev ninja star. he’s the best of the best and led the way as digital production caravan’d from midtown west to north w-burg for our hotly anticipated fancy dance-y summer outing. such ♥ and group hugs in da club.
5.  jonathan and i traded nyc for the city of brotherly love this weekend where joanna played hostess wit da mostess, joelogic played funkmaster witout disaster, and philly played real nice wit a side of water ice. tldr i’ll be holding onto this one for a very long time. #practice

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1.  the union square greenmarket gets right at my heartstrings every. damn. time. maybe because it reminds me of my hometown farmer’s market where my mom and vivian ran a black market bagel & schmear booth and smuggled skokie’s finest to middle earth america.
2.  this year jkupferman’s 28th birthday fell on a saturday so, to celebrate, we gawked at other people’s dogs, ate separate (but equally delicious) sandwiches, wandered around roosevelt island, rode on a vvv cool tramway, walked foooooorever, napped, carbo-loaded, and saw delta spiritfor free. as jonathan would say, “yeppers. yeshhhhh. would eat again.”
3.  here’s a suggestion → take the 1 train to 191st street and get lost in fort tryon park.
4.  friendly shel silverstein psa → the sidewalk ends around 185th street and the hudson : )
5.  so, i used to think clinton street baking company made the best blueberry pancakes in nyc, but i was wrong. so wrong. they’re actually made by the fine folks of cup & saucer in chinatown. hungry? go now because they close at 7pm which is just like seeeeeriously wtf.
6.  in case you were wondering which nyc street really brings it, the answer is lafayette.