Tag: nyc —> pdx

6 months in.

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as of today, i’ve been here for 6 months. i’m writing this down and because, much like my dad, if i don’t write things down they might as well never happened. it also feels really good to acknowledge all of the choices and changes and miles and minutes and giant leaps and incremental steps and you’re so brave’s and i never thought you’d leave’s and how does this work’s and what the fucking fuck’s and do you have a car’s and where do you live’s and yes yes okay’s and no no not anymore’s that took place between “back then” and “right now.” no judgments, no conclusions … just written and confirmed:

this happened.

1000% slower.

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been encountering waves of sadness in the evening, lately. after the emails stop and the east coast crawls into bed and the northwest sun fades, i try to sit with the day, sit with the quiet, sit with whatever’s changed, whatever’s the same, but i just … can’t. i can’t because my mind is a wind tunnel and a wave of doubt and longing and uncertainty and loneliness has just rolled in, consistent and thick and unforgiving and … i know (i know).

it’ll pass.
i’ll come back.
i’ll be better for it.
i’m just in it.

next life housewife.

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there’s no way i was born to just pay bills and die.

– hermi blutsauger

an update, perhaps? well, since last friday my days have been a beautiful blur of not working, cleaning, cleansing, practicing, packing, snacking, selling, cycling, post liking. i’m having such a blissful good in between time that i almost want to say “i don’t want this part to end,” but that would be a lie because in blurry big picture actuality, i DO want this part to end so i can move to portland and start my job and lease an apartment and find good peoples and forge genuine, long lasting friendships and try my damnedest at long distance and eat all the things and bike all the lanes and slowly piece together a life of obnoxious to some loud laughs and freckled woodblock chocolate ice cream and non-stop marshydog™ sightings. that being said, i want the record to hereby reflect that i would be the most f-ing joyful and productive housewife this world has ever known. okay? cool. thank you.

{and let us say, “amen”}