maybe it’s good that i’m tossing, turning.
maybe i need this to be difficult.
maybe i need this to have holes.
to be … [don’t] … [don’t say it] …
imperfect.
and stressful.
and exaggerated.
and over thought.
maybe it’s time for me to roll around in my sleep for something.
so if it works out,
if i end up getting it,
i’ll know that i wanted it.
that i actually wanted it.
and i’ll go in there.
i’ll go in there everyday.
kicking so much ass.
just to fucking keep it.
last friday, i decided to be a little bit bold and a little bit brave. this meant combing through my contacts and emailing a small and select (but wise and mighty) group of peers / mentors at the top of my “i have so much respect for what you do and what you’re about” list to let them know i was officially looking for work. wtf / yikes. amirite?
to be perfectly honest, sitting down to recap everything that happened this past year was incredibly cathartic. 2012 was such a wildly empowering and surprising and exciting and scary and surreal 12 months for me. it’s blowing my mind right now that they’re almost over. insane.
anyway, do you want read what i wrote? no? not right now? you’ve got a thing? maybe later? well, according to “the news” i’m a card carrying member of generation overshare, so you don’t have a choice. below is the email in full. MY BLOG.
.
[name] !
i know this is a little random, but i’ve been thinking about you a ton lately and i wanted to update you on how my 2012 went down (or up, depending on your point of view). i’m not sure if you remember, but back in november 2011, after working an exhausting average of 60-80 hrs a week for a year as the executive assistant to the vp of the google creativelab, i decided to take some time off to recharge and only do things i wholly, fully, 1000% completely loved to do. basically, i spent my days practicing yoga, updating my blog, drafting an official ny to do list, leading storytelling field trips at 826nyc, painting axes at best made, developing disposable cameras, turning strangers into friends, and re-falling in love with new york many, many times over. thankfully, only doing things in the pursuit of happiness (and not in the pursuit of answering “soooo, what do YOU do?”) eventually led to happiness as well as an opportunity to help produce a levi’s + intel collaboration. i stayed happy and worked on that project from july 2012 until it launched globally (and successfully) this past month.
the end.
just kidding.that was just “a lot” and i felt like it needed an ending (thanks for hanging in there). aaaanyway, i wrote you this email because i wanted to say hello (hello!), wish you a happy new year (happy new year!), and let you know i am actively looking for work right now. i’d also like to ask you for a small favor → could you keep me in mind in case anything of the “we need to hire someone smart, funny, enthusiastic, creative, tech-savvy, social-savvy, people-savvy, and just really f-ing organized” variety happens to pop up on your radar?
let me know what you think.
let me know what’s new.i’d love to hear either (or both!).
xoxo,
amyed. this email was written in the spirit of putting it all out there and just going for it.
can we play on sat? YES
can you crash with me sat night? YES
can i make us a plan? YES
can i wait to see your face? NO
– q&a session with lani i took just enough seriously
.
things are okay and i feel like my tectonics are moving and shifting and changing and getting a little bit better every day. for example, i did two thanksgivings this year which was waaaaay more fun than i expected. i made my grandmother’s seventies-era stuffing (it calls for postwar chicken fat and grinding an ENTIRE box of ritz crackers in a food processor). there were a bunch of emails that went back and forth between myself and my mom and my sister where i asked things like “what does sauté mean?” and, not only did they humor me, they also didn’t seem to mind when i got frustrated and yelled at everyone for not replying all.
.
anywho, the first dinner was in the early afternoon at a high school friend of a friend’s upper east side apt where a bunch of white, married twenty-somethings got superfull superfast and passed out in front of a flat screen tv. the second one was in the evening at an 826nyc friend’s upper west side brownstone where her holocaust-surviving german bubbie got superdrunk superfast and told me i was “vonderful.” all in all, i had a blast prepping for the first one and attending the second one.
.
as for fashun, i busted out a dark brownish black printed floor length vintagey dress that i’ve been storing at the back of my closet for just the right occasion and paired it with my cropped leather jacket and combat booties. a 10min wait for the uptown f train was accompanied by a slothy homeless man sitting on the 2nd ave poopdeck staring me down and announcing to no one in particular, “MAN owns woman! MAN owns woman!” over and over and over.
.
success?
success.