suck it, brooklyn.

A Friendly Neighbor. New York, NY

This past August, when I first began the most dangerous apartment search, I was adamant about moving to Brooklyn.  Why?
Brooklyn is cheap, they said.
Brooklyn is spacious, they said.
Brooklyn is fantastic, they said.
In fact, they said so many soft and sweet and sound things about the borough that before I knew it I was swooning, hard.  And then I spent almost the entire month of August bleary-eyed craigslisting and taking more than a lifetime’s worth of stale, sweaty rides on the Q train from Times Square to Prospect Heights, Clinton Hill, and Park Slope only to find out that Brooklyn was kind of an asshole.  And a liar.
Cheap in Prospect Heights meant living east of Franklin.
Spacious in Clinton Hill meant suffering on the C train.
Fantastic in Park Slope meant being seriously up-charged for a semi-illegal sublet.
Come on.  Don’t lie to me and tell me you don’t really know how much the total rent of your 3-bedroom apartment is because you can’t come up with 2 other equally over-charged albeit fake rents and then add them all up in your head fast enough to make me believe you are at least going to pretend to be a fair and balanced sublessor.  I may be a wide-eyed post-college baby from Middle America, but I’m not an idiot.  This, combined with the fact that not even one neighborhood or block or apartment I saw felt remotely like my new home, is why on August 28, 2009 I stopped taking any more of Brooklyn’s bullshit and did the unthinkable:  I changed my search to craigslist Manhattan.  And you know what?  Now I live here.
Suck it, Brooklyn.
You were a bitch.

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