welcome to the club.

Thanks, Jane. New York, NY

Lately, in order to quell my non-stop obsession slash anxiety over my upcoming move and how exactly to maximize the space in my adorable slash totally awesome East Village shoebox, I’ve been spending some quality time perusing the New York Times Real Estate Section.  You know, because it’s always nice to know someone else’s apartment hunt was way more horrific than mine or that $220,000 can get me a really fantastic three bedroom bungalow . . . in Idaho.

Anyway, last Thursday they did a feature on Jean-Marie Grenier and his wife Jane (pictured above) who live in a former funeral home in Greenpoint.  Blah blah blah. Jean-Marie is a scultpor! Jane works at Condé Nast! They live in a funeral home! That’s so spooky! That’s so scary! Let’s all go to a werewolf bar mitzvah! Oh, wait, I totally know that woman.  She goes to my gym!  In fact, not only does she go to my gym, but she also gave me the best budget fashion advice I have received since moving to New York.

Back in December I happened to see Jane in the locker room and commented on how fantastic and incredibly opaque her tights were.  Sidebar:  if you have average sized to study little tree trunk sized legs like mine, you know that owning a pair of opaque tights that actually stay opaque once you put them on is about as likely as fitting into a pair of size zero skinny jeans.  But Jane changed all of that nonsense because she let me in on the biggest fashion insider secret ever.  She told me that I too could join the opaque even after you put them on tights club without having to invest $52 on a pair of Matte Opaque Wolfords (what she was wearing, of course) by just wearing two pairs of throw-aways from Duane Reade.

Holy crap.
Two pairs.
At the same time!

Ladies, ladies.  I know what you’re thinking.  It’ll feel really funny! It doesn’t make any sense! It’s probably a trick! Well, I’m here to tell you it’s not a trick and you really just need to shut up and try it because it will revolutionize your winter wardrobe and you’ll only have me (and Jane) to thank.

So yeah, you’re welcome (and thank you, Jane).