me: i wish i was Rico Suave but with dudes
Dobies: ummm you are remember how many people meet you and are like wow i want to sleep with her but i’m going to make it really complicated and weird for her to do that?
Oh, right. My bad.
Tag: amazing gmails
too sexy.
- Hand-rolled pasta. New York, NY
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Last night my roommate Patrick made an entire Italian feast from scratch for his girlfriend’s birthday. There was hand-rolled pasta, herby meatballs, zuchinni fritters, cinnamon whipped cream beaten to soft peaks, prosecco, and a sink overflowing with a hellish amount of hard work. Needless to say, it looked delicious. romantic. perfecto. He also bought her a Pomeranian-shaped microwaveable heating pak off the internet from a woman in Pittsburgh named Belinda who claims that God brings her creations to life. Wow, really? Really. Did I mention she also sells animal-shaped cold paks called Hot Flash Huggies? Too sexy, b-linds. Too sexy. Oh, and since our apartment building’s mailboxes are superbly shady, Patrick had his HotPak Huggie shipped to my office which then prompted the appearance of this FANTASTIC email in my inbox:
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hey amy, hope your day is going well. could you please let me know if you have or have not received my microwaveable pug pup yet? if not, i want to call the lady to see what’s up. thanks!
patrick
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Sorry, Patrick, but sometimes God just works in mysterious ways.
seriously.
patrick: amy, i’m really sorry, but i accidentally ripped up all the [rent] checks.
amy: {heart leaps out of chest}
patrick: just kidding! april fools! they’re off in the mail. have a great day and see you later!