how do ya like them apples?

doorman: hellllllo. who are you here to see?
me: gabe and michael, apt [checks phone] … 8f.
doorman: ummm [searches directory] oh, gabe! and michael! they’re uhh, they’re at work.
me: i know. i’m actually here to see dan. he’s staying with them.
doorman: i’m … uhhh … i’m … i’m sorry, you make me nervous. you from hollywood?
me: heh. [awkward silence] no, i’m not. [more awkward silence] i promise i’m not.
doorman: [grabs the phone, covers the receiver] what’s your name?
me: amy.
doorman: [on the phone] hi dan. your … uhh … your hollywood friend is here.

the above interaction is brought to you by a recent trip to NARS on bleeker where a very sweet makeup artist named joey esturo convinced me to buy some tinted moisturizer.