now everything is fine.


a conversation at the grownup table
as imagined at the kids’ table

by simon rich

mom: pass the wine, please. i want to become crazy.
dad: ok.
grandmother: did you see the politics? it made me angry.
dad: me, too. when it was over, i had sex.
uncle: i’m having sex right now.
dad: we all are.
mom: let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
dad: (laughing) you know, but you won’t tell.
mom: if they ask me again, i might tell.
friend from work: hey, guess what! my voice is pretty loud!
dad: (laughing) there are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask i pretend like there aren’t.
mom: i’m angry! i’m angry all of a sudden!
dad: i’m angry, too! we’re angry at each other!
mom: now everything is fine.
dad: we just saw the pg-13 movie. it was so good.
mom: there was a big sex.
friend from work: i am the loudest! i am the loudest!
(everybody laughs)
mom: i had a lot of wine, and now i’m crazy!
grandfather: hey, do you guys know what god looks like?
all: yes.
grandfather: don’t tell the kids.