british male intern: amy, who’s your celebrity crush?
me: jeff goldblum in independence day right after he and will smith blow up the mothership and they walk side by side through the desert smoking cuban cigars while their women run at them. oh, or ryan gosling at the 2005 mtv movie awards when he and rachel mcadams win best kiss and they reenact the whole thing except this time he grabs her hair a little bit. why? who’s yours?
bmi: the girl from inglorious bastards [googles mélanie laurent].
me: oh, you like baliens.
bmi: baliens?
me: yea, baby aliens.
bmi: what? what is that? a person who looks like a baby and an alien?
me: no, a person who looks like a baby alien. whispy hair, soft face, eyes for days.
bmi: show me another so i know what you’re talking about.
me: [googles amanda seyfried].
bmi: mmmmm yes. oh, she’s quite nice.
me: yep. your type is definitely balien.