The one in the middle. Paddy

I just read The Setup’s interview with Craig Mod and now I’m inappropriately infatuated.  I’msorrywhat?  You’ve never heard of him?  Okay, here.  Craig co-authors Art Space Tokyo, is the co-founding editor of TPUTH, and considers himself a “writer, designer, publisher and developer concerned with the future of publishing and storytelling.” Oh yeah. Did I mention he’s crazyhot?  Like, a total fucking dreamboat.
Thanks, internet.
I needed that.

the one.

Tattoo Prep. JAK & JIL BLOG
Yesterday I realized that almost all the gentlemen in (and out of) my life can be categorized as “the one who [blank].” I then decided it was absolutely necessary to test this theory using a fancy app I like to call ms notepad and save it to my desktop (for the record, obvs).  Here’s how it all went down:
the one who made the first move.
the one who got nicknamed “my big furry mistake” (rosen, 2005).
the one who wouldn’t stop inviting me to his comedy shows.
the one who always called while i was running errands (duane reade, the library, etc).
the one who texted a dinner party invite and said, “maybe be polite and bring some wine.”
the one who left with my fake number (a disconnected landline . . . in indiana).
the one who had to be asked, “do you really want to be talking right now?”
the one who kissed me on a dinosaur.
the one who stole $300 from a stranger’s wallet and bought everyone drinks.
the one who fell asleep.
the one who kept telling me how much he liked my friend patrick.
the one who booty called me just to play his video game and didn’t let me win.
the one who grew a terrible no good very bad 5 o’clock shadow.
the one who liked indie music and went to brown (older).
the one who liked indie music and went to brown (younger).
Okay, yes. I’ve seen .Citizen Kane.  I know condensing the essence of a man’s life to a mere phrase is cruel.  I am aware this is an overshare.
But, fuck it.
(haha, i said buttfuck it)
Who cares?
I’m sure they have one for me.


Joseph Leonard. hello foto

I just got my 2nd missed connection in 2 years.
He says, we made eye contact and exchanged hellos.
I say, he hastily undressed me with his old man eyes
and then forced his hello upon me without my consent.
Dude, I am a 24 year old laaaayday.
I sit at the bar cause I like BARTENDERS.
I can count my married friends ON ONE HAND.
I had an entire pot of chocolate cream FOR DINNER.
You are too old to ride this ride.

please, lure me with your mighty blanket.

Amager am see. u n g t b l o d
Men’s Health is also all about finding the sex in everyday activities, all using their signature blend of sciencey-sounding research, a veritable army of doctors, and questionable logic. For example, when at the beach, use a solid-colored blanket — women subconsciously associate stripes and patterns with children. Once you lure her to dinner with your mighty blanket, get the lady some lobster. Why? Because Lobsters are a great source of phosphorus, and phosphorus is ‘the K-Y Jelly of minerals.’ Did you know geology had an official lubricant? Once you get her home, light some scented candles — any scent but cherry. It inhibits sexual arousal, according to someone named Dr. Hirsch.

If you’ve made it that far, gents, you can probably go ahead and have sex. Just be aware that the lady will probably want to complete thirty or so naked activities first. Be prepared to make some naked cocktails, paint the house nude, or strip down to watch a movie. This month’s Cosmo — honest to God — suggests all three, with a caveat on the last: Avoid anything that’ll cause hearty belly laughs, like Superbad — a jiggly tummy won’t make you feel good.”

– Nerve, Ridiculous Tips for a Miserable Sex Life

lost boys.

a. ..This pilot’s good looks lasted only minutes before his corpse was hanging from a tree.
b. ..He’s outwitted and beat up by Kate a lot, which makes him the worst US Marshals ever.
c. ..An attractive Other? It’s kind of like being the best house on a really ugly block.
d. ..He looks like he stepped off the set of a Burt Reynolds movie.
e. ..This death-obsessed misfit makes snarky wisecracks under his breath.
f. ...Diet Sayid: same great intrigue, half the sexiness.
g. ..He’s been good looking for more than a century. His secret? Guyliner.
h. ..Not just anyone can pull off the skinny-tie look on a tropical island.
i. ...He’s a cynical wise-ass, die-hard romantic, and himbo man-candy.
1st person to pair these ill-fated fellas to their Nerve bios will win something awesome.

apppollo apppollo.

Scrabble Tiles Alphabet. Leo Reynolds
Molly is a stranger.
She agreed to talk to Nerve.
I like her a lot and this is why:
What do you look for in a guy?
Apparently the guys I like are emotionally unavailable and sad, like, “Some girl hurt my feelings five years ago so now I can’t talk.”
Who are these pussies you’re dating?
I’m not going to say any names, but they all live in Brooklyn. And I meet them all on OkCupid.
I’m on OkCupid! It always starts out so well!
My friend met her boyfriend on OkCupid and they’re very happy together, but before that she called it OkCrazy. She once went on a date with a guy named Apppollo — no lie, three Ps in his name. He smelled his hands throughout the entire date.

i wanna be made.

Venice Skatepark. Slippy Jenkins
MADE + Real World + Lunch with Jesse + Road Rules + TRL with Carson Daly + My So-Called Life + Undressed +FANatic + Say What? Karaoke + Singled Out + Daria + Clone High USA + The Blame Game + Loveline = RIP Sick Days (1993 – 2004)

if you’re selling crazy, i’m not buying.

Elli Rose’s Shoes Don’t Suck. The Selby
Last night, I went to Olive & Bette’s one-day sample sale in the West Village and purchased an office/opera appropriate Trina Turk dress for 75% off.  This dress, mind you, is the exact same dress I had on my Hanukkah List this past December.  Score!  Seriously, thanks to Sir Timothy Berners-Lee, the internet exists today so city folk (ie ambitious transplants) who like to shop and wear nice things never have to pay retail again.  If your internet access is limited or non-existent, no whining.  Instead, head directly to your local nypl or apple store posthaste. Eh hem, and now it is time to announce the nominees for best sample sale resource:
1. ..NY Magazine’s Sales & Bargains
2. ..Refinery29’s NYC Sales
3. ..Gilt Groupe (online only)
And the winner is. . . . .being stacked and super fly.

you know about the lol?

YSL & Chanel Lipstick. Emma Kisstina
While checking out my so called blahg this morning, I stumbled onto her 10 Cures for the Winter Blues post and quickly realized that I’ve been unknowingly practicing every single one except:
#3 Wear Bright Lipstick.
Since I know absolutely NOTHING about the Land of Lipstick (the LOL) and you’re probably thinking, Amy, I know SO MUCH about the LOL, I would like to offer you a trade.  I will give you one of these if you can give me an über-comprehensive, non-condescending guide to buying and wearing bright lipstick.

crazy old crayons.

My Desk Drawer. New York, NY

Anthony is this crazy old man who lives on my crazy old block in this crazy old shop full of absolutely nothing.  When the weather is nice, Crazy Anthony stands outside Crazy Nothings and starts up Crazy Conversations with just about everyone.  Unfortunately, due to a penchant for staring directly into the eyes of strangers when I’m not paying attention, this usually includes me.  Flash back to yesterday, on my way home from martial arts class:
CA: ..
HI-GORGEOUS! {said as if one word, like highlighter or hi-top}
Me: ..Hi Anthony.
Me: ..Thank you.
Me: ..Nope, not today.
Me: ..Okay, I’m gonna go shower now.
Then I came home and realized that the reason my bedroom kinda smells like melted wax whenever the heat comes on is because my desk straddles the radiator and I have (had) a box of crayons in there.  HI-GORGEOUS!

casual attire/sex today.

this morning @ 6:15am:
from: .myboss@myjob.com
to: .everyone@myjob.com
subject: .casual attire today
given the weather conditions, please feel free to dress casually today.
then I looked out the window and saw:
my courtyard neighbors having rather raunchy sex.
normally, this would be a pleasant surprise.
but until now I didn’t know I had courtyard neighbors.
and not once have I pulled down my shades.
ey oh.

she gives great headbands.


Okay.  Not gonna lie.  Lately, I’ve had sex on the brain like ..W..O..A..H...At first I was concerned, but after obsessively researching the hyper-cherry headband featured in Douglas Friedman’s NYTimes “Dress Codes” slide show, it turns out I’m just getting an early start on Piers Atkinson’s Spring/Summer 2010 Collection.  Whew.
{@NYTimes: .it’s Piers, not Pier. .D..U..H }.

walk walk fashion baby.

Irina Shabayeva Fall 2010. New York, NY

Technically, we’re not supposed to wear jeans on casual Friday so I’m considering rocking this instead.  Thoughts?