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like more than a friend.

Posts tagged my so called life



the instinct here is to apologize:

for being away
for not posting
for focusing there
for not focusing here
for a busy work week
for a rough personal week
for reading up less
for sleeping in more
for shutting down
for logging off

but, like, for what? for noise? for caveats? for excuses? for sweet sad things we project into our corner of the internet to make ourselves feel a little better about being vulnerable to change and transitioning from one set of patterns to another with less grace and ease and strength than we had hoped for? sounds temping, but i’m going to try something different and resist the knee-jerk apology for once. instead, here are two nice tunes by two nice ladies.

find joy and enjoy.

pink sky
marry me
i don’t think i’ve ever been on a date where the other person didn’t ask me, “what? what is that? what are you thinking about?” not a huuuuuuge surprise since i make direct eye contact no matter what even when my mind wanders off to planet marsh and the 7-10 things i’m daydreaming about instantly coalesce on top of my [now entirely unreadable] face. i usually try to come up with some sort of “yeaiguessthatmakessense” response, but in the spirit of dating up and honesty and niceness and not giving a shit and doing me and just fucking going for it, my no bullshit response this very second would be:

1. woah woah wow. thanksgiving is, like, tomorrow.
2. will i ever make more $$ w/o being chained to my computerphone miserable?
3. we found love = still wonderful, still don’t give a fuck who i smack danceable.
4. i can’t remember the last book i read. wtfwasit? no. srsly. wtf.
5. ashley and jack black are so right. sometimes you gotta let the led out.
6. if time warner doesn’t fix my internet on thurs, i am out of solutions.
7. grow, marpar, grow. grow the damn thing. good lord they’re adorbs.
8. omg robyn meyer-flay needs to start a video blog right right now.
9. drinking 3 liters of water a day is turning out to be a √+ life decision.
10. bonus points for successfully dressing for the weather.

i put the or in work
a creative director walks into the empty conference room i’m sitting in.

cd: they’re in the process of canceling the meeting because the client can’t make it.
me: oh, well. that’s interesting. good to know. thanks for the heads up.
cd: but, you sitting in here, all by yourself, with all this white and your white shirt against the orange … it’s working for you … you look very … important.

scene.

IMG_1219
5 ing’s from last week that felt fantastic:

1. sending an “i’m not into you romantically” email instead of going passive aggressively radio silent until – hopefully – the other person forgot i existed and / or stopped trying.
2. posting a #nofilter photo on instagram and discovering an artist i really admire “liked” it.
3. taking my favorite heels to alex so i could keep naomi campbell walking allova town.
4. being asked repeatedly what sports i played in high school (answer: uhhhhh drama club?)
5. graduating from the 3lb to 5lb hand weights at my local synagogue.

waddaboutyou?

i like cause you like me
question = “what do you like?” via text.
time of day = sat, jan 12 @ 10pm est.
reason = ummmmfun.

quiet, david bowie, booties (sb)
songs, stories, american diners (ef)
road trips, pie, laughter (jg)
tight man butts, red wine, feeling safe (ep)
traveling, making movies, swimming (cn)
books, bourbon, candy (cs)
soulcycle, notre dame, traveling (ks)
hilary clinton (st)
bicycles, improv / laughter, interesting and inspiring magazine articles (cs)
loyal friends, beach vacations, walk-in closets (bs)
false eyelashes, pink bras, crab dip (js)
sunshine, ginger chews, salad (su)
being on / by the water, french girls w/ brown hair, wild animal screams / howls / roars / etc. (jk)
you, you, and you! (hm)
book of mormon, coffee, amy marsh (zr)
juggling a soccer ball with a friend or two outside, snekers with dope subtle colors, the feeling after a good swim when it’s hard to lift my own arms up to wash my armpits (nm)
surf, tits, beer (lf)
pancakes for dinner, 80s power ballads, awkward first kisses (lm)
jeopary, baked goods, that feel of “this is exactly where i want to be, what i want to be doing, and who i want to be with right now” (ar)
wheat toast, cigarettes, medium-sized dogs (aj)
nightmare before christmas, dc comics, legos (dg)
my girlfriend, scotch, movies (jj)
mint chocolate chip ice cream, meeting people with passions, the smell of newspapers (sm)
cheese, goats, corby (ni)
getting to the movie theater early, the crunch of wood chips when you walk on them, the shower after a run / lift, MONEY $$$$$ (mc)
bike rides, movies, well-made objects (ps)
the sound of rain on my air conditioner in the window (cs)
i like my friends, i like my cat, and i like mariah carey (bn)
sushi, trying something new, reciprocation (jk)
corgis, kombucha, kindness / consideration (sr)
music that makes the world spin around while i’m lying on the ground, funny ppl, snail mail (ml)
soulcycle, the view from my apartment at sunset on a clear day like today was, how i felt this week, you (dd)

ed. major apologies if my text came off as insincere weirdspam. a few weeks ago, i saw something on the internet that gave me the urge to text people i like and ask, “what do you like?” without context or expectation. i’ve now spent over two hours needle in a haystacking my google reader trying to find the thing that inspired me to do this in the first place, but … of course … nada. aaaaanyway, if you’re at all willing to look like a freaky weirdo via text message, i HIGHLY recommend doing this. each and every response made me laugh and smile and clap my hands together in 1000% joyful agreement. can’t ask for much more outta the weekend than that. also, corby is a dog.

attitude

i took marvin’s reSOULution ride this morning (it’s called a “reSOULultion” because you “resolve” to ride for a brutal 90min instead of the usual 45min). after it was over and i didn’t die, i hopped off my bike, buried my face in a complimentary towel, and – quite unexpectedly – burst into tears. the truth? i don’t know a whole lot about the gritty specifics and logistics of 2013 and it’s frustrating the fuck out of me.{deep breath, heavy sigh}but … there’s always a but … i do know some things, better things. for instance, how i felt this morning is how i want to feel all year:

tested.
sweaty.
open.
ready.

and that’s how i’ll get to tomorrow.

c’mon, guys. woo. woo!
happy tomorrow.

the bold and the brave
last friday, i decided to be a little bit bold and a little bit brave. this meant combing through my contacts and emailing a small and select (but wise and mighty) group of peers / mentors at the top of my “i have so much respect for what you do and what you’re about” list to let them know i was officially looking for work. wtf / yikes. amirite?

to be perfectly honest, sitting down to recap everything that happened this past year was incredibly cathartic. 2012 was such a wildly empowering and surprising and exciting and scary and surreal 12 months for me. it’s blowing my mind right now that they’re almost over. insane.

anyway, do you want read what i wrote? no? not right now? you’ve got a thing? maybe later? well, according to “the news” i’m a card carrying member of generation overshare, so you don’t have a choice. below is the email in full. MY BLOG.
.

[name] !

i know this is a little random, but i’ve been thinking about you a ton lately and i wanted to update you on how my 2012 went down (or up, depending on your point of view). i’m not sure if you remember, but back in november 2011, after working an exhausting average of 60-80 hrs a week for a year as the executive assistant to the vp of the google creativelab, i decided to take some time off to recharge and only do things i wholly, fully, 1000% completely loved to do. basically, i spent my days practicing yoga, updating my blog, drafting an official ny to do list, leading storytelling field trips at 826nyc, painting axes at best made, developing disposable cameras, turning strangers into friends, and re-falling in love with new york many, many times over. thankfully, only doing things in the pursuit of happiness (and not in the pursuit of answering “soooo, what do YOU do?”) eventually led to happiness as well as an opportunity to help produce a levi’s + intel collaboration. i stayed happy and worked on that project from july 2012 until it launched globally (and successfully) this past month.

the end.
just kidding.

that was just “a lot” and i felt like it needed an ending (thanks for hanging in there). aaaanyway, i wrote you this email because i wanted to say hello (hello!), wish you a happy new year (happy new year!), and let you know i am actively looking for work right now. i’d also like to ask you for a small favor → could you keep me in mind in case anything of the “we need to hire someone smart, funny, enthusiastic, creative, tech-savvy, social-savvy, people-savvy, and just really f-ing organized” variety happens to pop up on your radar?

let me know what you think.
let me know what’s new.

i’d love to hear either (or both!).

xoxo,
amy

ed. this email was written in the spirit of putting it all out there and just going for it.

stranger: doing anything for christmas?
stranger: doing anything for the holidays?
stranger: going home for christmas?
stranger: going home for the holidays?
stranger: doing anything different?
stranger: doing anything special?
stranger: oh, really?
stranger: oh, seriously?
stranger: oh.

dear everyone,
e v e r y w h e r e .

stop.

i’m going to soulcycle
i’m taking a very long shower
i’m seeing les miz with chloe
i’m having breakfast for diner
i’m drinking a glass of wine
i’m buying more cold medicine
i’m repeating repeating the song below
– i’m going to bed, happy and alone

xoxo,
me

barbie mitzvah
.
things are okay and i feel like my tectonics are moving and shifting and changing and getting a little bit better every day. for example, i did two thanksgivings this year which was waaaaay more fun than i expected. i made my grandmother’s seventies-era stuffing (it calls for postwar chicken fat and grinding an ENTIRE box of ritz crackers in a food processor). there were a bunch of emails that went back and forth between myself and my mom and my sister where i asked things like “what does sauté mean?” and, not only did they humor me, they also didn’t seem to mind when i got frustrated and yelled at everyone for not replying all.
.
anywho, the first dinner was in the early afternoon at a high school friend of a friend’s upper east side apt where a bunch of white, married twenty-somethings got superfull superfast and passed out in front of a flat screen tv. the second one was in the evening at an 826nyc friend’s upper west side brownstone where her holocaust-surviving german bubbie got superdrunk superfast and told me i was “vonderful.” all in all, i had a blast prepping for the first one and attending the second one.
.
as for fashun, i busted out a dark brownish black printed floor length vintagey dress that i’ve been storing at the back of my closet for just the right occasion and paired it with my cropped leather jacket and combat booties. a 10min wait for the uptown f train was accompanied by a slothy homeless man sitting on the 2nd ave poopdeck staring me down and announcing to no one in particular, “MAN owns woman! MAN owns woman!” over and over and over.
.
success?
success.

4893729032_91e5fbf5c6_b
.
“if you haven’t noticed, you are in the midst of a transition that is affecting every single part of your life. come next year, things will look and feel different. it’s as if you are on a trapeze and letting go of one ring to fly and catch the other. be brave.” – horoscope, dec 3
.

and earlier this week . . .
.
me:  yesterday was supposed to be a luck day…
kate:  you can’t believe all that hooey!
me:  i believe a lot of hooey.
.

bjarne bare
.

here’s the deal,
we’re all thinking
roughly the same thing:
.
“who the fuck am i becoming?”
“what the fuck am i doing?”
“where the fuck am i going?”
“when the fuck am i moving?”
“why the fuck am i tweeting?”
“how the fuck am i #winning?”
“when mark zuckerberg was my age … ”
.
no judging, but
have you tried calm.com?
it’s really fucking relaxing.
.

tim etchells
.

thanks to dan’s tue night push,
i finally wrote my futureme letter.
usually, i avoid doing non-cryptic,
straight up personal posts here,
but, like, fuck it.
.
i’m excited to re-read this in 3 years:
.
“ . . . you always told dan that you really just paid it forward during your early 20s and your mid-late 20s were going to be AWESOME. were you right? are your mid-late 20s AWESOME? i hope so, because i’m writing the rest of this letter under the assumption that dan is still your best friend, you made your bed this morning, your mid-late 20s are AWESOME, and you have an extremely rewarding job in a field that makes you very very happy. amy, you must remember the items above are ALWAYS givens. please be sure to change something if that is no longer the case. you need to live a life of givens.”
.

sexy sweaters
.

drama drama was a local radio contest
that aired on my way to middle school.
it went a little something like this:
.
@ 7am, oldies 94.3 played a movie clip
& the 1st caller to guess the movie correctly
won dinner @ a shitty italian restaurant.
.
we had a car phone.
i put the station on speed dial.
we won . . . a lot.
.

bill & hilary, 1972
salad days

in second through eighth grade,
my teachers would frequently announce,
“tomorrow, there will be a surprise.”
.
& each time, i would get so worked up
until i was sure i had figured out
exactly what was happening:
.
bill clinton is coming!
bill clinton is coming!
.
& each time, without fail,
they would reveal something sad
like a new student or how to calculate tip.
.
unfazed, i always figured,
“okay fine . . . maybe next time.”
i’d say mcworld is mostly to blame.
.