snapshots from the passenger seat. this was a few weeks ago – early november – so i packed as i was told:
it’ll be raining! pack boots!
it’ll be freezing! pack layers!
it’ll be storming! pack coats!
but the day we drove out was nothing like that. clear, beautiful, abundant, forgiving skies the whole way and when we arrived in manzanita just after sunset, the view took my breath away. i can’t remember the last time i looked up and saw stars.
so you keep your ocean,
i’ll take the lake.
– colleen hoover, slammed
1. monica visited me this past weekend and life immediately got 10x more wonderful. i tried to show her my version of portland through the few good friends i’ve made here thus far instead of forcing participation in misc plug and play fun time activities. highlights/mvp’s included river swims + sun bathing at rooster rock with launa, michael, and ryan, dinner + dessert with emily, maggie, and christopher, and goo gone delivery + stoop sitting with eddye and bo. fyi, universe: i would not be upset if monica decided to repatriate and make portland her new home.
2. clear skies, deep blue breaths. everyone says i came at the right time. cautiously optimistic.
3. all the murals here feel like they were painted just a few hours before i stumbled upon them. bold, unapologetic fuckers. this one is in southeast and reminds me of bowery & houston.
4. i left my [now discontinued] joe fresh aviators at michael’s 4th of july bbq east of se 82nd, never to be heard from again. rip officer marsh (may 2013 – july 2015). let the record reflect, i am very fond of these classic gold ray-ban aviators and ship most things to my work address.
5. i feel prickly and weird right now and decided that’s okay. quitting, packing, moving, breaking, hurting, healing – an onslaught of all the prickly, weird things all at once (not sure how else i’d be). at least the universe is always in its perfect order … even if it doesn’t feel like it, at all.
1. this is a picture of me all tuckered out. news flash = it’s really difficult to feel fully nested when you’re missing major pieces of furniture and readily accessible funds to do a goddamn thing about it. this being my current steez, i now spend the majority of my penniless down time between non-rent paychecks rearranging all the furniture i do have in an attempt to prove i have autonomy over my own
life space, thus pooping myself out on a fairly consistent basis.
2/3. a few weeks ago, launa invited me to her birthday party on the coast and i said “hell yea” and justin gave me a ride and offered to show me lots of cool, coasty things. to recap, we saw a bunch of rogue sea lions, climbed astoria column, got pizza + beer at fort george brewery, and checked out haystack rock. then we got to launa’s and partied allllll night long. jk. then we got to launa’s and ate chips and chit chatted till like 9:30 and drove home. it. was. awesome.
4. god bless the internet and its ability to foster deep, genuine relationships. seriously, because of apps like tinder (how i met jonathan) and sites like turntable.fm (how he met launa and justin and a ton of other wonderful pdx people), i moved across the country to a city i’ve visited exactly once and was suddenly blessed with an incredible group of non-work people to befriend and learn from and lean on. just in case no one said it yet today: thank you, internet.
5. the friday before memorial day i attended a killer bbq in northeast where glazed donuts may or may not have been placed on the grill and then topped with grilled pineapple. unconfirmed.
1. happiness is canceling all my weekend plans, hopping on a plane to portland with less than 24 hours notice, and waking up with the next day’s sun in a hotel king bed next to this guy.
2. the ace portland is everything i expected, old timey photo booth next to repurposed wood coffee table covered in meticulously unarranged succulents and mason jar terrariums included.
3. i’m worried i won’t be able to wear converse at my new job. if you’re reading this and can confirm one way or the other, please kindly let me know. the operative word here being “kindly” because if the answer is “nope, ditch those bad boys” i may need a moment. this vvv strong, stubborn, and sensitive taurus can only handle so much unmedicated life change all at once.
4. it’s getting hard to tell people i’m moving across the country and doing long distance with jonathan when the nearly universal response is “i never thought you’d leave new york. have you ever been to portland? long distance is so hard.” god bless the special few that fill up with pride and exclaim, “that’s awesome! i can totally see you there. ooO long distance sex is amazing!”
5. fuck fuck fuck i’m almost 29 and i still don’t know how to cook a god damn fucking thing shit.
6. friday, march 27 is both my last day at work and [what would have been] my dad’s 66th birthday. i keep thinking how much he would have loved jonathan and what huge kicks they’d get out of each other. i bet if he knew where i was headed, he’d be proud of me and thrilled i was moving closer to la la land (“los angeles” in kim-speak). i bet he’d be really proud of me.
*this post is brought you by a recent trip to portland to interview for my dream job.
spoiler alert: it went well.
it is perhaps when our lives are at their most problematic that we are likely to be most receptive to beautiful things.
– alain de botton, the architecture of happiness
i’ve been struggling with a triple dose of severely limited attention span + blogger’s block + work life imbalance since mid december, but i wanted to tell you that i miss you so much it aches, i think about blogging (and the act of not blogging) everyday, and i finally figured out this year’s three word thesis:
go through it.
“in the 2000s, there will be only answers. the demand will be such that there will only be answers. all texts will be answers, in fact. i believe that man will be literally drowned in information, in constant information. about his body, his corporeal future, his health, his family life, his salary, his leisure. it’s not far from a nightmare. there will be nobody reading anymore.”
in 1985, marguerite duras gave her predictions for the future to the french publication les inrocks and the translation is as prophetic as it is poetic. i haven’t finished a book in years.
you can keep
as quiet as you like,
but one of these days
somebody is going
to find you.
– haruki murakami
life is goofy.
life is güüüüüd.
– amy ruth marsh
there is nothing
if you want
to find something.
you certainly usually
if you look,
but it is not always
quite the something
you were after.
– j. r. r. tolkien
1. i’ve been meaning to try sweetgreen for almost a year now. i first read about it in grub street’s roundup of new healthy nyc restaurants (also how i got hooked on dimes) and finally managed to swing by over thanksgiving. i went for the ever-popular kale chicken cesear because the guy in front of me ordered it and he seemed to know what was up. good stuff. did not regret.
2. have you heard of @coffeenclothes? it’s this instagram account run by @ryyyguy and it’s photos of exactly what it sounds like … coffee n’ clothes. i really want to be on it, but every time i think to take a photo i’m usually (a) not wearing anything interesting (b) done with my coffee (c) both. i thought my leopard print whynot entry was a solid contender, but – alas – no dice.
3. it wouldn’t be a proper amy’s list without at least one dog pic, now would it? big ups to buddy the big blue bottle dog for being fidgety and helping me maintain dog person status elite.
4. last friday was jwt’s annual holiday party and, much to the dismay of many, it was held in a strange, far away place called “brooklyn.” thankfully, the city folk groans died down after a few open bar drinks were had and people let the good lumberjack themed times roll. sidebar = i made a lil’ website for it so all 200 jwt offices around the world could party along via #jwt150 (the party coincided with jwt’s 150th anniversary). awww look, everyone. baby’s first microsite.
5. oh, and morgenstern’s is making the only ice cream that matters. 2014 flavor collabs, son.
have nothing to do on a wednesday night …
6:15 = stop by looks salon for a nearly painless eyebrow threading.
6:30 = pop into 16 handles and taste a bunch of fro-yo without actually buying anything.
6:45 = take a seat at b&h dairy and have the grilled cheese and tomato soup special.
7:15 = hit up davey’s ice cream and purchase a cup of hot chocolate to go.
7:30 = walk into lulu nails and get a pedicure while sipping on said hot chocolate.
9:15 = go to bed.*
* based on a true story.
1. a few saturday mornings ago, the downtown 6 wasn’t running so i ended up walking from my apt in the east village all the way to bethany’s 9am at lyons den in tribeca. i didn’t mind since there’s not a whole lot that’s quite as wonderful as soho before 9am and as i headed down greene street towards canal, i looked up and noticed this strung out mess of gutter shoes hanging out with some of the best fire escape-age in the city. that day was a good day.
2. jonathan and i rarely hit the same restaurant twice (that’s cheating!), but i think cup & saucer has been given an unspoken pass. not complaining tho, them pancakes don’t play.
3. we also went to coney island over labor day weekend and, despite the muggy overcast-ness, it was one of the top 5 best days i’ve spent in nyc EVERRR. also … modern photo booths are srsly overpriced ($5 for a single strip!), but the result has made me happier than things i’ve spent $600 on so, like, fuck those boots and the suede bag they came in.
4. candied apples and marshmallow pops are nice, but the dark chocolate nonpareils at william’s candy are where it’s at for me, personally. 1/4 lb bag and a nice long walk? yspls.
5. rockaway beach around 4pm the weekend after labor day is one part lovely two parts lonely.
6. in case you were wondering, good vibes vvv welcome round these parts. namaste a while.
interviewer: do you ever get bored?
werner herzog: no, never. the word is not even in my vocabulary. i seem to scare and astonish my wife by being capable of standing staring out of the window for days at a time, even when there is nothing happening out there. i may look catatonic, but not so inside. there might be storms raging inside. i think it was wittgenstein who talked about being inside a house and seeing a figure outside strangely flailing about. from inside you cannot see what storms are raging out there, so you find the figure funny.
1. the union square greenmarket gets right at my heartstrings every. damn. time. maybe because it reminds me of my hometown farmer’s market where my mom and vivian ran a black market bagel & schmear booth and smuggled skokie’s finest to middle
2. this year jkupferman’s 28th birthday fell on a saturday so, to celebrate, we gawked at other people’s dogs, ate separate (but equally delicious) sandwiches, wandered around roosevelt island, rode on a vvv cool tramway, walked foooooorever, napped, carbo-loaded, and saw delta spirit … for free. as jonathan would say, “yeppers. yeshhhhh. would eat again.”
3. here’s a suggestion → take the 1 train to 191st street and get lost in fort tryon park.
4. friendly shel silverstein psa → the sidewalk ends around 185th street and the hudson : )
5. so, i used to think clinton street baking company made the best blueberry pancakes in nyc, but i was wrong. so wrong. they’re actually made by the fine folks of cup & saucer in chinatown. hungry? go now because they close at 7pm which is just like seeeeeriously wtf.
6. in case you were wondering which nyc street really brings it, the answer is lafayette.
1. still dreaming about the black rice large plate (eggplant, kale gomae, chili cucumber, bonito, sweet potato mash, grapefruit ginger ponzu, hard boiled egg, avocado) from dimes, a new-ish baby chick food spot on the always baller chinatown les border. decided to end a delightfully unorganized sunday there where i easily snagged an open booth-side window seat, sipped on a fennel-ginger lemonade, dug into the latest cherry bombe magazine, texted my mom to find out what foods she craved while she was pregnant with me, squealed when she replied with her first emoji, and watched the world come down from its 4th of july high. tldr = never better.
2. meet nancy huang, og foodie and luxury w-burg apt hunter extraordinaire. her master bath? en suite. her rooftop grill? gas and communal. her wraparound view? f-ing incredible.
3. in case you were wondering if i still take random photos of grow nyc vegetables … i do.
4. on saturday night i took a selfie with the moon. but, like, nbd. stars → they’re just like us!
5. last weekend i had the supreme pleasure of being my sister’s date to lindsay & michaela’s #bumpercarwedding in dc. long story short, those ladies put the cool in realfuckingcool.
1. toby’s estate is killing it in hefty dogs with major personality waiting for their owners to get coffee so he/she can take them on a walk good times. this guy’s nombre? hombre, obviously.
2/3. i spent last saturday with wifflegif and company picking strawberries at patty’s berries and bunches in mattituck (population 4219 … in case anyone was wondering). i rarely make weekend plans outside of my 263 block radius, so hitting the open road (driving! in zipcars! with boys!) for some wholesome day tripping was a welcomed change of pace. big ups to tinabeans for cruise directing. her strawberry outfit was the envy of us all. dat hat, yo. srsly.
4. apologies for getting so lj with my last post. sometimes it’s just a hot, tired, semi-sad tues wherein you feel a lot of feels and post about them on the internet. that’s all. red flags down.
5. i found a way to work an early morning stroll through tompkins sq park and a pit spot at ninth street on 10th street into my friday therapy / work commute. so, yea. fridays? still good.
6. that’s wifflegif. he likes: obscure bodega beverages, long walks, animated gifs, his iphone, bonchon chicken, making fun and useful things for people to play with, fat cat, smart effortless music discovery, tri-blend concert tees, obeying crosswalk signs, emojis, me.
it is a wonder we have come this far.
our dumb courage is
drinking coffee at mcdonald’s
out of a paper cup
is almost more victory than we can
“more and more i really believe that doing our best isn’t about loving unconditionally but about just saying something truthful. and letting the other person have the rare advantage of knowing what we’re feeling uncloaked, even if it doesn’t make sense, even if the feelings are confused, even if there are conditions. because making things seem uncomplex, making love seem easy and unconditional is just another deception we sweet-talk ourselves into, with all the should-ing that never lasts.
so there i was on the subway, picking feverish fights in my head with some stranger’s self-help book. and feeling like we’re all missing a better point here. a point not about love or conditions but about something simpler. about trying to be good and kind and patient with each other and knowing that there are always conditions, that we’ve all got our knots and bends in our brains, and holes in our hearts.”
– jane flanagan
these two paragraphs,
especially that last part
on being kind, having knots.
that’s where i’m keeping things.
for a while.
a long time from now
you’ll cease to care anymore
whom you please
or what anybody
has to say about you.
– j.d. salinger
when did you think
you were the center
of new york’s universe?
why did you think that?
shame on you.
your instagrams aren’t that great.
– john devore, new york city doesn’t love you
without realizing it,
composes his life
the laws of beauty
even in times
of greatest distress.
– milan kundera
i have always
liked the phrase
“nursing a grudge”
because many people
are tender of their resentments
as of the thing
nearest their hearts.
– marilynne robinson
the snow doesn’t give
a soft white damn
who it touches.
– e.e. cummings
in all shapes and sizes,
some of them are things
people are scared of.
some of them are things
that look like things
people used to be scared of
a long time ago.
sometimes monsters are things
people should be scared of,
but they aren’t.
– neil gaiman
yesterday, amy and i (not talking in multiple persons, i have a real life friend named amy who is also smart and funny and resourceful and good at life etc.) took the day off because we both still have lingering vacation days we’re required to take before christmas (xoxo, hr). anyway, in order to maximize a mandatory one day of fun-ness, we did what all tightly wound slash totally game and adventurous women do … we planned.
1. am coffee tawking @ blue bottle
2. brooklyn brunching @ egg
3. aggressive sampling @ mast brothers
4. sketchbook browsing @ brooklyn art library
5. midtown snacking @ little collins
6. big piano playing @ fao schwarz
7. out nerding @ museum of the city of new york
the result was
f l a w l e s s .
who are lost
– this isn’t happiness
sadly, everyone was sad,
but luckily, everyone was lucky.
– personal message
it always seems impossible until it’s done. – mandela
there are always flowers for those who want to see them. – matisse
life is sometimes life
and sometimes only a drama,
and one must learn to distinguish
tother from which.
– e.m. forster
1...the east village is one of the few nyc neighborhoods in which i’ve never felt judged. i’ve been here 4 years, but i live amongst those who clock over 40 (easy). either way, it’s all the same (all good, even). also, shit used to be really bad – like, buildings on fire all the time bad. then giuliani came in, cleaned up, and asked young people with dogs to move in (i.e. yuppies with babies not welcome). the way i see it, gentrifiers in the ev get a pass (a cat call, even).
2...dumbo is like the sweet, rich, unassuming uncle of all the magical magical bk hoods.
3...there’s something about a perfect set of downtown doors set against a perfect flood of downtown light that just seems to make everything everywhere 100% more than okay.
4...dear de blasio, please use this shade of aquamarine gutter paint as much as possible.
5...if you like to feel like the entire world is your oyster, eat this way and then walk this way.
6...see #1. also, fizzy water reminds me of lauren and now i miss her all over again.
hopeful corporate takeovers!
looking up and out.
that downtown natural light.
gets me every time.
1...it’s been 253 days since i posted one of these. mostly because december→ mid-march was dedicated to finding a full time job with a reasonable salary and above average health care benefits so i only allowed time for two things – furiously looking for a job and furiously riding in place. thankfully, that asinine regime only lasted about 3 months (i got a job with a reasonable salary and above average health care benefits in mid-march). then – big surprise – i actually had to do the new job i got and spent the next 6 months onboarding, failing, flailing, derailing, maintaining, restraining, owning, scoring, flooring, exploring, restoring (working).
2...sometimes, the view from my kitchen window is all i really need to get to tomorrow.
3...when i was younger and acting like a show-boaty pain in the ass, my mom would ask, “amy, what am i going to do with you?” my response was to throw up my hands exclaiming, “LOVE ME!” and then run into the wild suburban yonder, hoping the issue could be dropped forever. i guess what i’m trying to say is → w-burg, i get you but what am i going to do with you?
4...oh, to be a fly on the wall during this french bulldog’s pour over coffee smoke break.
5...other times, the view from my bedroom window is all i really need to get to tomorrow.
on a quiet
is what i imagine
used to be like
wylie dufresne’s les.
andy brown’s les.
the strokes’ les.
it’s always words
that undress you.
1...per a friend’s recommendation, i finally tried soulcycle. the closest studio is in union square (ugh), but seeing as how i’ve now been to 11 classes in 14 days that’s clearly not enough of a drawback to prevent getting wholly, fully, 1000% completely addicted. awhoops.
2...since moving to the east village over 3 years ago, living half a block from abraço has always topped a long list of reasons why i still love living here. i even remember noting that they were “just around the corner” when i went looking for my very first roommate. anyway, pictured above is co-owner liz quijada (and the woman behind their famous olive oil cake) holding her daughter lily. i am such big fans of these two. best smiles of 2012, by far.
3...it wouldn’t really be a proper amy’s list if i didn’t post something from the union square greenmarket, right? it must be clear by now i walk through this every week. also, roses.
4 & 5...back in october, tristan helped me cross wave hill off my ny to do list. it took a little one on one internet time to figure out that getting there is actually super simple. just live in or visit nyc, head to grand central, chill on metro north for 25min, and get off at riverdale. then be sure to pat yourself on the back for visiting a 28-acre public garden in the bronx overlooking the hudson river and palisades. fancy!
1...i held off on blogging these photos because it felt inappropriate to post anything but flooded apartment floating parking garage artisanal food truck charging station grinding gridlock snapshots of the city, but since i don’t think i can stomach one more of those i decided to fuck it and move on. i took this on my way home from my office during the last days of the feast san gennaro. i miss the dusk, i miss the lights.
2...i’m supposed to vote at village view housing on tuesday, but no one seems to know if that’s still true. i could really go for a ground up view from inside their derelict playground dome right about now.
3...looks like hercules and xena decided to haul ass to fort greene after their lease was up. gc, guys.
4...i would like very much to go back to wherever, whenever this was taken. i need a big, fat rewind.
5...molly and i biked to 139 basset avenue in mill basin a few sundays ago to see the gaudiest house in new york city. after we found it, we laughed out loud and ate some pizza. it was a fine day.
on the descent.
a few weeks ago,
i needed to get out of town.
like, really needed to get out of town.
so i hopped a flight to london,
attended my sister’s wedding shower,
and did a lap around the canal.
1...this dog and dude are totally on the same “why is she wearing overalls and taking my picture” page.
2...freelandbuck had this to say about their slipstream installation at bridge gallery – “it’s integrity as a structure is masked by both its redundancy and bright coloration.” oooooof. ouch. slash, sometimes i worry my integrity is masked by redundancy and bright coloration. ooooooy. i might need a new drug.
3...omg! lauren was here! for a weekend! we went to red hook! it was summer! red hook summer!
4...contrary to popular belief, i am not interested in owning a dog as i’m certain i would be very bad at the important stuff (walking, feeding, training, etc). i am, however, very interested in making more friends who do not mind when i audibly appreciate almost every dog we happen to bump into. coolthxbye.
5...and this is a picture of molly explaining the promo poster for frasier’s new tv show to me / the end.
“oooh girl – – – > your silhouette.
make me wanna light a cigarette.”
his name was kanye,
from the jigga set.