been encountering waves of sadness in the evening, lately. after the emails stop and the east coast crawls into bed and the northwest sun fades, i try to sit with the day, sit with the quiet, sit with whatever’s changed, whatever’s the same, but i just … can’t. i can’t because my mind is a wind tunnel and a wave of doubt and longing and uncertainty and loneliness has just rolled in, consistent and thick and unforgiving and … i know (i know).
i’ll come back.
i’ll be better for it.
i’m just in it.
tycho did a sunrise dj set at burning man on 08.29.14 that started at 5:40am and then posted it to soundcloud 5 days later for the rest of us to enjoy anytime we want because unconditional love and premium ice cream and wild and free internet, y’all.
also on the deep, long playlist front, mixtrss has really been flexing their “30 or so tracks similar to this one awesome track” baby playlist making skills. for those of you into magical internet things that are just plain güüüüd, check out …
for being away
for not posting
for focusing there
for not focusing here
for a busy work week
for a rough personal week
for reading up less
for sleeping in more
for shutting down
for logging off
but, like, for what? for noise? for caveats? for excuses? for sweet sad things we project into our corner of the internet to make ourselves feel a little better about being vulnerable to change and transitioning from one set of patterns to another with less grace and ease and strength than we had hoped for? sounds temping, but i’m going to try something different and resist the knee-jerk apology for once. instead, here are two nice tunes by two nice ladies.
a little bummed and uninspired, less confident and clear than i’m used to. i’m stuck in my head and waiting for a sign instead of printing my own. at least i don’t need people telling me you’re okay, it’s okay, we’re okay. heaviness happens, lightness returns. i just really want to get there already (probably why i walk so fucking fast). granted, not updating this thing isn’t helping so that’s one shift i can make. did make.
the other day i made a spotify playlist of all the albums that got me to and from some of my worst “i don’t want to tell you what i do because i hate what i do and, like, earlier today i was so fed up with my passive agressive co-workers and bullshit work duties that i tossed my blackberry in the sad little trash next to my desk and hoped no one suspected dumpster diving when i fished it out a few minutes later after remembering i needed to pay rent and shit” dayjobs. it’s called worksux.
what’s on your playlist?
don’t be a stranger. lemme know.
for the record,
work does not suck.
not anymore, that is.
not one bit.
i’m a fool for that shake in your thighs i’m a fool for that sound in your sighs i’m a fool for your belly i’m a fool for your love . i wanna make this plain ohh, i know you’re faded mmm, but stay, don’t close your eyes i wanna make this plain ohh, i know you’re faded mmm, but stay, don’t close your eyes . caught in this pool held in your eyes caught like a fool without a line we’re in a natural spring with this gentle sting between us . i wanna make this plain ohh, i know you’re faded mmm, but stay, don’t close your eyes i wanna make this plain ohh, i know you’re faded mmm, but stay, don’t close your eyes . ooohhh, stay open ooohhh, stay open . stay open stay open . i wanna make this plain ohh, i know you’re faded mmm, but stay, don’t close your eyes i wanna make this plain ohh, i know you’re faded mmm, but stay, don’t close your eyes . stay open stay open stay open . mmm, stay open. .
i’ve been trying to do it right i’ve been living a lonely life i’ve been sleeping here instead i’ve been sleeping in my bed, i’ve been sleeping in my bed . so show me family all the blood that i will bleed i dunno where i belong i dunno where i went wrong, but i can write a song . i belong with you, you belong with me you’re my sweetheart i belong with you, you belong with me you’re my sweet . i don’t think you’re right for him think of what it might have been if you took a bus to chinatown i’d be standing on canal, and bowery and she’d be standing next to me . i belong with you, you belong with me you’re my sweetheart i belong with you, you belong with me you’re my sweetheart . and love, we need it now let’s hope for some cause oh, we’re bleeding out . i belong with you, you belong with me you’re my sweetheart i belong with you, you belong with me you’re my sweet .
. i think you’re freaky:
2:36 . and i like you a lot:
ps – the masses say, “die antwoord performs music which incorporates many zef elements . . . a south african slang term that describes a unique south african style which is modern and trashy and also includes out-of-date, discarded cultural and style elements . . . yolandi was quoted as saying, ‘it’s associated with people who soup their cars up and rock gold and shit. zef is, you’re poor but you’re fancy. you’re poor but you’re sexy, you’ve got style.'”
i’m tearing up, acrost your face move dust through the light to fide your name it’s something fane this is not a place not yet awake, i’m raised of make still alive who you love still alive who you love still alive who you love in a mother, out a moth furling forests for the soft gotta know been lead aloft so i’m ridding all your stories what i know, what it is, is pouring – wire it up! you’re breaking your ground