Justin Long getting spanked on W 4th Street. Terry Richardson’s Diary
Hey, kids! Guess what? I brought presents! Below is my secret stash of city hard candies that I wanna share with all you mad fresh mens and womens who just moved here. Look, I know you really want to stop crying for no reason (seriously, stop it) and fuck it / fake it until you can afford the real thing, so why don’t you think of this list as a crazysexypool party for your self-esteem room / confidence sauna. Here ya go, my little newbie ninjas:
Walk FASTER with BIGGER BALLS
a) ..If you don’t have the right of way, but the street is clear, WALK.
b) ..If you don’t have the right of way, but the light is changing, WALK.
c) ..If you don’t have the right of way, but the jam on your ipod says walk, WALK.
Wear ONLY things that you LOVE
a) ..Quit shopping at Gap/Old Navy/Banana Republic just because it fits.
b) ..Instead, take full advantage of NY Mag’s Sales & Bargains Calendar.
c) ..If you have to get buzzed into a sketchy building downtown, TOTALLY GO.
Try REALLY GREAT restaurants BY YOURSELF
a) ..Stop obsessing over how completely lame this sounds.
b) ..Sit at the bar with a badass book and befriend the bartender.
c) ..Be sure to find a common enemy and tip well.
Carry SPIFFY business cards AT ALL TIMES
a) ..Go to my favorite free font website and find the perfect typeface.
b) ..Buy a packet of business card paper and print 10-20 cards asap.
c) ..Bust them out to score big at jobtimes / friendtimes / sexytimes.
Also, it’s gonna be okay.
Even when it’s not okay.
PS – I tried to own my shit at a party this weekend by opening up some aloof dude’s beer bottle with my mailbox key. I completely failed (obvs) and now, a whole 2 days later, I’m still having stigmata of the knuckles. Clearly, I am a fuck it / fake it work in progress.