Tattoo Prep. JAK & JIL BLOG
Yesterday I realized that almost all the gentlemen in (and out of) my life can be categorized as “the one who [blank].” I then decided it was absolutely necessary to test this theory using a fancy app I like to call ms notepad and save it to my desktop (for the record, obvs). Here’s how it all went down:
the one who made the first move.
the one who got nicknamed “my big furry mistake” (rosen, 2005).
the one who wouldn’t stop inviting me to his comedy shows.
the one who always called while i was running errands (duane reade, the library, etc).
the one who texted a dinner party invite and said, “maybe be polite and bring some wine.”
the one who left with my fake number (a disconnected landline . . . in indiana).
the one who had to be asked, “do you really want to be talking right now?”
the one who kissed me on a dinosaur.
the one who stole $300 from a stranger’s wallet and bought everyone drinks.
the one who fell asleep.
the one who kept telling me how much he liked my friend patrick.
the one who booty called me just to play his video game and didn’t let me win.
the one who grew a terrible no good very bad 5 o’clock shadow.
the one who liked indie music and went to brown (older).
the one who liked indie music and went to brown (younger).
Okay, yes. I’ve seen .Citizen Kane. I know condensing the essence of a man’s life to a mere phrase is cruel. I am aware this is an overshare.
But, fuck it.
(haha, i said buttfuck it)
I’m sure they have one for me.