suck it, brooklyn.

A Friendly Neighbor. New York, NY

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This past August, when I first began the most dangerous apartment search, I was adamant about moving to Brooklyn.  Why?
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Brooklyn is cheap, they said.
Brooklyn is spacious, they said.
Brooklyn is fantastic, they said.
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In fact, they said so many soft and sweet and sound things about the borough that before I knew it I was swooning, hard.  And then I spent almost the entire month of August bleary-eyed craigslisting and taking more than a lifetime’s worth of stale, sweaty rides on the Q train from Times Square to Prospect Heights, Clinton Hill, and Park Slope only to find out that Brooklyn was kind of an asshole.  And a liar.
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Cheap in Prospect Heights meant living east of Franklin.
Spacious in Clinton Hill meant suffering on the C train.
Fantastic in Park Slope meant being seriously up-charged for a semi-illegal sublet.
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Come on.  Don’t lie to me and tell me you don’t really know how much the total rent of your 3-bedroom apartment is because you can’t come up with 2 other equally over-charged albeit fake rents and then add them all up in your head fast enough to make me believe you are at least going to pretend to be a fair and balanced sublessor.  I may be a wide-eyed post-college baby from Middle America, but I’m not an idiot.  This, combined with the fact that not even one neighborhood or block or apartment I saw felt remotely like my new home, is why on August 28, 2009 I stopped taking any more of Brooklyn’s bullshit and did the unthinkable:  I changed my search to craigslist Manhattan.  And you know what?  Now I live here.
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Suck it, Brooklyn.
You were a bitch.

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